ALL THE BEST JOKES YOU SEND TO US

 Then there was .....

the pensioner who took up jogging so she could hear heavy breathing again.

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 Then there were the 2 Essex girls at the shops...

The first one goes out to get the car. The second one arrives with the bags a few minutes later to find her

friend messing about with the lock. "Whats wrong?" she says.

"I've locked the keys in the car and I'm trying to pick the lock"

"Well, hurry up, it's starting to rain and the top's down!"

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 Only in the UK!!

Two old friends meet up for the first time in 70 years.

"How is life treating you Bill?" said one.

"Not so good George. I've had two by-pass operations. A hip replacement, two new knees. Fought prostate

cancer, and diabetes. I'm blind in one eye and see double in the other, can't hear anything quieter than a jet

engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with

dementia. I have high blood pressure, can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85

or 92. And I've lost all my friends.

"But it's not all bad news, I still have my driver's license!"

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 A balanced diet...

is a doughnut in each hand!

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 An elderly couple were...

driving along the motorway, and the woman was driving.

She gets pulled over by the police.

The policeman says, "Did you know you were speeding?"

She turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."

The policeman says, "May I see your license?"

She turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE."

The woman gives him her license.

The policeman says, "I see you are from Luton. I stayed there once, had the worst sex I have ever had with

the most ugly woman I have ever seen."

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells

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 Why dont blind men skydive?

Because it scares the sh#t out of the dog!

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more jokes...