ALL THE BEST JOKES YOU SEND TO US

 I earn a seven-figure salary.

Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.

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 Taxi!

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like George."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "George Winters. Now there's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to George every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not George. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a West End star and you should have heard him play the piano."

 Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special"

Cabbie: "There's more"......."He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out."

Passenger. "Wow, some bloke then"

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them."

Passenger. "Mmm, there's not many like him around."

Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met George."

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"

Cabbie: "I married his fecking widow."

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 You know you're living in 2006 when....

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your mobile to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the shopping.

7 Every advert on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your mobile, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before making breakfast.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

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 Quote.........

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.

Mayor Marion Barry, Washington DC

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