ALL THE BEST JOKES YOU SEND TO US

 It's great to be a bloke because .....

• Your bottom is never a factor in a job interview.
• Your last name stays put.
• The garage is all yours.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• You couldn't give a sh#t if someone notices your new haircut or not.
• Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
• Wrinkles add character and grey hair looks distinguished.
• Your orgasms are always real.
• You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
• People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
• The occasional well-rendered burp is practically expected.
• New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
• Your mates can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"
• You can appreciate great sport.
• You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.
• A weekend break requires only one suitcase.
• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
• You can open all your own jars.
• Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind.
• You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
• You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
• You can kill your own food.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be our friend.
• If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
• Everything on your face stays its original colour.
• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• You don't have to clean your house if the electricity meter reader is coming.
• You can sit in silence watching a football game with your friend for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
• You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
• You don't have to shave below your neck.
• Your belly usually hides your big hips.
• You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
• You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
• You can "do" your nails with the kitchen scissors.
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
• Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
• The world is your urinal.

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 It's great to be a girl because .....

• We got off the Titanic first.
• We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
• We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
• Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous.
• Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
• We don't need 14 pints to make us admit we love our friends and family.
• We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
• We can cry and get off speeding fines.
• Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
• We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
• Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point).
• We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
• We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
• New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
• It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
• No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
• We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
• If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
• We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her ass.
• If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
• We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
• We can never have too many clothes or too much jewelry.
• If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
• If we're drunk some people will find it cute.
• We can drink nice flavored alco-pops without people calling us wimps.
• We have the ability to dress ourselves.
• We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
• If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
• We can spend a fortnights salary in one shopping trip without guilt.
• We can admit we're lost and ask for directions.
• Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
• Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
• We'll never regret piercing our ears.
• We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
• We don't have to pretend to understand bizarre sporting rules.
• As long as there is chocolate we have a reason to live.

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