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came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. He asked her, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirt for a few minutes.; I'll explain why later." The nun agreed to his request.Shortly after, two MPs came running along and asked her if she had seen a soldier running down the road. She replied, "He went that way".

After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said. "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to Iraq."  The nun said she understood.

The GI said, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have the most beautiful pair of legs I've ever seen!"

The nun replied," If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen the most beautiful pair of b#lls you've ever seen! I don't want to go to Iraq either!"

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 Getting married again .....

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin". "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

Well...........

• Husband 1 was an Architect; he kept on telling me how great it was going to be.
• Husband 2 was a Computer Manager; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
• Husband 3 was a Services Consultant; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
• Husband 4 was a Project Manager; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
• Husband 5 was a Structural Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the art method.
• Husband 6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
• Husband 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
• Husband 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
• Husband 9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
• Husband 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was .....God I miss him!

But now that I've married you, "I'm so excited!"

"Great" said the husband, "but, why?"

"You're an Estate Agent. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get f*cked!"

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 Office notice.....

The Human Resources department will be holding a Summer B-B-Q. We can have alcohol, but due to liability issues, we will be limited to one (1) drink per person. The good news is, Joyce is in charge of the cups

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 Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake.

She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "Ooops, I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How did you know?"
She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole!" afterwards.

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