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OFFICE JOKES and MEMOS - DAFT INSTRUCTIONS FROM THE BOSS
A friend of mine recently smuggled a memo out from the branch of a well known UK estate agent he works for:
"This is a small office and the thin walls do little to insulate sound. Would staff please remember this when using the toilet"
There must be hundreds of funny or ridiculous company memos lying in office in trays that deserve better - in other words they should be posted here!! With that in mind we are looking for the best company or office memos out there! Don't worry, we will not mention the company or your own name (you don't even have to tell us.) This is just a celebration of what bosses come up with when they get infected with that dreaded desease, "bullsh#t fever"
SHARE THE OFFICE JOKES AND MEMOS, EMAIL THEM NOW!!!
We wont mention your name or company (unless you ask us to!!)
OFFICE MEMOS AND JOKES...
"I don't mind being screwed now and then..."
but this company seems to think I'm a nymphomaniac!"
RUBBER STAMP IT (The way you always wanted to!)
Understanding corporate words...
"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you have big t#ts, the jobs yours.
We remain that way by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM"
We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
Buy your own uniform.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Seven days a week.
"DUTIES WILL VARY"
If it's a sh#t job, guess who will have to do it?!
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.
You must be able to crawl to the boss.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job internally; the advert is a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You will need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
It's a mess here.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You will be doing the boss's job but not for the same sallery.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Do what you're told.
YES BOSS, OF COURSE I'VE READ THE MEMO!
If you do not dry the cups and glasses after your dinner break please stand upside down on the draining board.
What's the starting Salary?
At the end of a job interview, the HR manager asked the young graduate, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The graduate replied, "Around £75,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The HR manager said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 7-weeks paid holidays, full medical and dental care, company matching pension fund to 50% of salary, and a company car, it's usually a BMW for starters if that's ok?"
The graduate said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"
"Well yes, ...but you started it!"
IT'S IN MY PRIORITY TRAY, HONESTLY!
What the boss would like to write on a "one to one"?!
GOT ANY OFFICE JOKES AND MEMOS, EMAIL THEM NOW!!!
Email your office memos to:
We wont mention your name or company
(unless you ask us to!!)
Joke shop classics,
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Don't write emails..
JUST TEXT NOW!!!
Rob, West Midlands
Lara, South East
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