RANTS - BIG BROTHER - "OH MY GOD!!!!"

Now I know I am going to annoy a lot of people but am I the only one in the country who just can't get excited by Big Brother? There I was the other night, flicking through the TV magazine at 7.30 (so I could give myself half an hour to go through the 400 channels and see what crap I could watch at 8.00) when my son's girlfriend screamed "Oh my God it's Franklin!!!". I looked up to see an awards program and a compare saying "give it up for Franklin" followed by whoops and screams from the audience. "Franklin" was going to introduce a few clips of TV soaps then open an envelope telling us who had won. A pretty well know person by my son's girlfriends reaction.

me - So what does "Franklin" do?

she - She was on Big Brother, she's a celebrity now.

me - She? I admit he looks a BIT girly but I thought "Franklin" would be a mans name?

she - Well she was, but when he was a he. He was a transvestite so decided to have a sex change so he could be a she. She's amazing!

me - Ahhhhh, all so obvious really when you explain it like that. Anyway, what was it you said he, I mean she, did?

she - She's a celebrity. I think she's amazing!

me - Yes but what does she DO?! (Now I'm getting a bit irate)

she - All sorts, she was on Richard and Judy last week

me - Wow! Opening an envelope?!

she - Sorry?

me - Look, don't they have any normal people on Big Brother?

she - Errrrr, no! What would be the point?!

me - What would be the point?! I'll tell you what the bloody point would be! For a start ................................

The conversation ended there as the misses came in, told me to shut up and ordered me to go and put the kettle on :-(

Now I must admit when the first Big Brother was on I flicked over once or twice. Only because I was interested in seeing a psychological experiment where people were contained in a controlled environment. (Yea ok, I really wanted to see who would be the first one to fart on TV)

NOW, things seem to have changed, from what I can see you have to be of dubious sexual origins, dress in funny clothes, have the intelligence of a stick (Jade Goody springs to mind) or generally be a complete w#nker to be allowed on Big Brother. As this seems to be the qualification for making interesting TV programs these days I was wondering if it could be improved. I mean this isn't really an interesting program, I watched it one evening to see. A vague lot of individuals wandering about in a weird studio and an annoying commentary. "Priscilla and Jaz are in the kitchen - Jade is in the Big Brother garden - Theo and Marcelle are in the Bedroom - Stephanie is in the toilet having a p......"

Nooooooooo!! Enough - we don't need this info?!! It's not a radio program, it's TV, we can SEE what they are doing (apart from Stephanie, thank God) and it's NOT interesting.

I actually changed channels before going to bed one night at 1.30am and blow me if Big Brother was filming them in bed, sleeping! What's more this was actually MORE interesting than the daytime section!!)

I'm sure this program would have more viewers if it was more interesting.

As an example, I think the voting could be spiced up a lot, we are missing some serious potential for good money making television here. What I had in mind was a merger with the Rolf Harris vet program.

I can hear Rolf now........ "we don't like to see these cute little fellers suffering in pain, do we?"

So, at the end of each week watchers could vote on which housemate they wanted to have put down. You know the idea.........

To give Franklin the injection:

Phone 08700100100 for "Franklin"

or text "zap Franklin"

Now seriously, that is something I would switch on and watch.

( To be honest if "Franklin" was a nominee I would even make the effort and learn how to text so I could vote all day long!!! )

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